i met someone at a bar the other night — this is something that doesn’t happen to me often, because i don’t like bars and i don’t like actually meeting people (2014). turns out he’s a formerly-very-observant guy who still, whether he realizes it or not, has that little yeshiva man in him. we talked about a lot of things - drugs, sex, yiddishkeit. tachles, we ended up making out, and two days later he had sex, and last night he came to my parents for shabbat dinner. o0o0o0o0o
he’s only in town for two weeks, and i’m not really that attracted to him, so i’m calling him my pesach boyfriend and trying to ‘live in the moment.’ basically, i’m trying to have as much sex with him as possible while disregarding his high-pitched laugh, slightly nasal voice, and constant interest in ‘networking.’
after dinner, my parents’ friends left and the apartment was just four of us — myself, N, mom, and dad. everyone was in a tizzy because my dad lost his medications and my mom couldn’t find the broom, but i really just wanted to make out a lot. i repeatedly asked my mom to vacate the space, because i figured in the living room of this rented apartment i could get some PG action going without having to bring him into my bedroom (already a mess) or go back to his place. apparently, i was too insistent, because today my mom told my sister that last night i was very untsnius.
LET’S TALK ABOUT TSNIUT. to be tsnius is to be modest in every single way that you conduct yourself. for women, to be tsnius is to not cause trouble — though most people think of clothing first, it’s also about expressing opinions, working, driving, talking, eating, buying things, etc. and, of course, sex.
i’m 24 years old. i have no idea how many men i’ve had sex with. i have no issues talking about sex if my parents aren’t around, and while i respect my parents’ home and don’t even want to have sex here, i deeply, deeply resent being told i can’t obliquely reference wanting some private time with my sort-of boyfriend because, tsniut.
tsniut is too often used as a way to shut the mouths of women who experience. i am not going to hide my body or my thoughts out of a fear of not being modest.